Author: sfpossibilitiesorg

As professionals in helping positions such as social workers, counsellors and teachers, we have a duty to think carefully about the language we use with clients, families and young people. It is a privileged position to be able to speak into someone else’s’ life, however briefly, and as such we must do everything possible to ensure our words are a help and not a hindrance. One common pitfall that can often shape conversations in an unhelpful way, is our reliance upon deficit models for measuring outcomes. In simple terms, looking to see how bad something is. Solution Focused Practice is not unique in its call to look instead for signs of progress, strengths and resources, however is certainly unique in its insistence and perseverance to do so.

To illustrate this point practically I want to share thoughts from a recent TAF (Team Around the Family) meeting for a young man, Aiden, whom I had been conducting Solution Focused Sessions with. Gathered around the table at this meeting were Aiden’s parents, his Head of Year and the Pastoral Lead from his school. What was fascinating to me about this meeting, was how despite Aiden having made significant improvements, the presence of a deficit model framework, in this instance ‘Behaviour Logs’, meant that the conversation turned from praise to problem.

Half way through the meeting, which up until this point had been full of positives, the Head of Year pulled out some documents. On the documents were a long, detailed list of Aiden’s behaviour logs, both historical and recent. The Head of Year’s honest intention in doing this, was to demonstrate and highlight to Aiden and his parents, how he had shown an improvement in school behaviour. You see, Aiden had only received 11 behaviour logs in the Spring term, compared to 19 in the Autumn term. The very nature of framing the conversation within a deficit model however, soon caused difficulties.

You see, rather than focusing on the reduction in behaviour logs, conversation quickly turned to negative questioning about the individual behaviour log incidents: Why didn’t you complete that piece of homework? Why were you late on that day? You lost your PE kit again! How many times do we have to go over this? In an instant, talk had shifted from being about the student who was improving their behaviour and succeeding at school, to the one who is unreliable, forgetful and a general nuisance. 

This is important. Why? Because of the messages it sends to the young person in question. For Aiden, the intention had been to reinforce his improvements and the belief that he is a student who can achieve; instead, thanks to the deficit model of behaviour logs, he began to have other messages reinforced, ones that were not as helpful to positive change. As long as we adopt a deficit model in our work, meaning that our outcome is for our client to be doing less of something bad, then we are far less likely to see a client develop and progress to be detached from that issue. For as long as their success is measured by doing less of that something bad, they will never be able to shake it off entirely, every meeting will contain conversation about it, and they will be forever entangled to it.

So if you’re reading this, here is my suggestion: Reflect on whether your conversations with clients are overly reliant on talk about them doing less of something negative, if they are, start to talk with them instead about doing more things that are positive.

This can be summarized perfectly by the final comments I observed at Aiden’s TAF Meeting. As the conversation drew to a close, Aiden’s parents and his Head of Year looked at each other, and referring to the reduction in behavioural issues, stated that they had grown used to their regular phone calls home and would miss them. I wonder, would it be so bad to have a phone call about a success?

One recent observation from conducting Solution Focused conversations with teenagers; is how they seem far more likely to honestly reflect upon their own actions and behaviours, after they have been given the opportunity to comment upon the actions and behaviours of others. This is particularly apparent when working with them to build a description of their ‘preferred future’; life that contains changes they would like to see.

A typical example of this is when a teenager is hoping for some improvements in their relationship with their parents. A solution-focused response to such a desired outcome would be to invite the teenager to consider a ‘preferred future’ where their relationship with their parents has indeed improved. Such a conversation might go as follows:

Practitioner: So if your relationship with your parents started to improve, what would they be noticing about you?

Teenager: Don’t know.

Practitioner: What do you think they might be noticing about you, that showed your relationship had improved?

Teenager: Nothing probably, I would be the same.

 As you can see, in this particular example, the teenager does not seem eager to reflect on changes their parents would notice about them were improvements to take place. At least, that is, not at this point. What appears to be more useful, is first asking the teenager about changes they would notice in their parents, before then moving on to ask about changes their parents would notice in them.

I experienced this first hand during a recent session where the teenager, let’s call him ‘Adam’, wished for a more positive relationship with his mum, whom he felt was overly controlling and dismissive of him. By asking him first about changes he might notice in his mum’s actions and behaviour, it opened the door to ask more easily about any changes his mum might notice in turn about him:

Practitioner: So let’s suppose that happens, that your relationship with your mum becomes more positive, and this starts to happen even on your drive home after school today. When you’re in the car with your mum, what will you notice about her that shows your relationship has improved?

Adam: Maybe she’ll start talking a bit… asking how my school day’s been.

Practitioner: And what is it about the way she’ll ask you that shows your relationship is more positive?

Adam: She’ll actually want to talk to me.

Practitioner: So what would be the tell-tale signs that actually this was a conversation your mum wanted to have with you?

Adam: Well it depends if the conversation finishes within two or three sentences of asking, then you can just tell like that she doesn’t wanna speak.

Practitioner: Ok, so it’s the length of the conversation?

Adam: Yeah.

At this point in the conversation, having given opportunity for Adam to describe differences he would notice in his mum, the foundations were in place to turn the tables and ask what Adam thought his mum would notice about him:

Practitioner: Ok… and what will your mum notice about the way you respond to her questions and interest, that shows your relationship is more positive?

Adam: Like if I was asking how her day has been.

Practitioner: Ok… how would she respond to that? How would she respond to you asking how her day’s been?

Adam: Like she’d be alright asking more stuff.

Practitioner: And what difference would that make?

Adam: She’ll get to know me more.

Practitioner: And how would that be helpful?

Adam: I’d be able to share more stuff with her.

So in the latter half of this conversation, Adam has identified that it might be helpful if he were to ask how his mum’s day has been. My suspicion however, is that Adam was more willing to explore this idea, because I had first allowed him to express how his mum would be making more of an effort with him also.

The next session I had with Adam would also be the last. His relationship with both parents had significantly improved; they had returned his confiscated phone, allowed him to go out more with friends, and he had even been out for dinner with his mum.

Ben Scott

Early Help Professional and Solution Focused Practitioner

25.06.19

I’ve come to believe that one of the main duties for SF practitioners, is to ensure that client’s take credit for their achievements. We don’t do this by telling them how great they are, or even by offering subtle compliments, but rather, as is often the case in SF, by asking yet one more question. To illustrate this point, I want to share a story from a session conducted with a young mother who was referred due to struggling with her 7-year-old son’s behaviour. For the purposes of this story we’ll call the mother ‘Alice’ and her son ‘John’.

The session was taking place at the family’s home, with Alice and I sat in the downstairs living room, whilst her son played independently upstairs (notice the exception to his ‘troublesome’ behaviour already!). Part way through the SF session I was conducting with Alice, John came down the stairs and the following scene unfolded…

John: Mum, I’m hungry, can we have dinner now?

Alice: I’m in the middle of something at the moment, but give me 20 minutes and then we’ll cook something. What would you like, pasta?

John: Ok, and yeah pasta would be good.

At this point John proceeded to walk across the room, acknowledging me with a nod and a smile on his way past, before giving his mum a great big hug.

John: Love you.

Alice: Love you too.

John then heads back out of the room and up the stairs to play independently once more.

Ben: So Alice… How have you managed to raise John to be so polite and well-mannered?

Alice: [exasperated]… He’s only being polite because you’re here!

And so we come to the main point of this blog. Think about it. What message does it send to the client, if I, the professional, accept her assertion that the only reason her son is being well behaved, is because I am in the room?

Probably not a message of empowerment, probably not a message of hope, more likely a message of dependency on services and other’s expertise.

So what do we do instead? Ask yet one more question of course…

Ben: So how have you raised John to be so polite and well-mannered in front of strangers?

At this question Alice was stumped, and found herself with no option but to disclose the various skills, techniques and resources she had drawn upon to raise her son so far. Included were stories of establishing and maintaining boundaries, delivering a consistent message of love and care for him, even when things were not going so well, and utilising grandparents as a source of support and guidance.

What was abundantly clear, was that the reasons for John being so polite and well-mannered, were far more to do with Alice’s efforts and abilities than mine. My role? Simply to persist until she took the credit she deserves.

Ben Scott – Early Help Professional and SF Possibilities Trainer