This is a story about something that happened to me during lockdown and has stuck with me because it is a constant reminder of how important it is to listen to the answers that people give and to not expect or look for certain answers to our questions.
One morning after a night of broken sleep, my three-year-old daughter wakes up early, probably about quarter to six. She comes walking in the bedroom, all the way around the bed to my side and says in the cutest possible voice that she can muster, “Daddy?” Yeah Pearl? “I’m hungry.” Of course, I’m not going to tell her to go back to bed, so we head downstairs for breakfast. I’m definitely not completely awake yet, and as I carry her into the kitchen, I ask her what she wants for breakfast while we look at what cereal we have.
While I was still doing my best to wake up, I was patiently waiting to hear which cereal she would choose for her breakfast. And that’s when she did what kids do – she surprised me and made me think of things a little bit differently. Her answer? She said, “I want Cheerios, Shreddies, Rice Krispies and Wheatabix.” Being half asleep, I just scrunched my face thinking that maybe she was just naming the cereals as they were in front of her. So I asked again, ‘Which one of these do you want for breakfast?’ Her answer was the same. Cheerios, Shreddies, Rice Krispies and Wheatabix.
My first reaction to this in my head was, ‘No. We just have one kind of cereal when we have breakfast, not all of them together.’ But then I thought, why not? It’s just cereal, and who says that we only have to eat one type of cereal. So she had her breakfast with small amounts of Cheerios, Shreddies, Rice Krispies and Wheatabix together in one bowl, and she was as happy as could be.
Later on in the day when I regained my ability to think a bit more clearly, it made me wonder about how many times we’re tempted in our Solution Focused practice to expect or want a certain answer and how much discipline it takes for us to just listen to what is being said and ask questions around that. How many times does our judgement come into play about whether someone can or can’t hope for something? And how different is it when we go with the client’s answers and continue to ask them questions?
This is something that stands out to me now more than ever given everything that’s happening around Covid and all of the changes that we are seeing in the world. When we start to ask people questions like, “What are your best hopes from our talking together?” And they respond with something like I want to be calmer and more relaxed about the uncertainty ahead.
I might ask them something along the lines of, “And what would be the first sign that you were calmer and more relaxed about the uncertainty ahead?” Now I know what that might mean for me, but it’s important to try to quiet that part of my brain and really focus on listening intently to whatever answer they provide. That’s when I’m more able to ask questions that connect with someone and meet them in their world, not in mine. If I’m looking for answers or there are ‘right’ answers, then I find myself thinking, “Yeah, but…” which then makes me start disagreeing with the client.
So in short, the best way to prepare for the answers is to simply listen. You are perfectly capable of having Solution Focused conversations with people. Trust in that. Hear the response to your question and build from there. The possibilities of what you can co-construct from that point are endless.
Sometimes referred to as the client’s ‘best hopes’, solution focused conversations prioritize discovering what the client wants to achieve as a result of our work with them. This might be different from what professionals want, or what we think is best for them; it is the outcome that the client themselves considers most important.
Purpose:
Acquiring a client’s desired outcomes/best hopes carries multiple benefits:
It builds good working rapport (as the client feels heard)
Improves time-efficiency as you have a common understanding of where you’re heading
Gives you something to build towards (rather than a problem to fix)
Example questions:
What are your best hopes from our work together?
What would tell you that this meeting had been worthwhile?
How would you know that our visit today had been a helpful one?
Suppose our conversation turned out to be useful somehow, how would you know?
What would need to be happening in a few months’ time, for you to be able to look back and think, “those meetings/visits were productive after all”?
More often than not, it is advised to follow the client’s answer by asking: “And what difference would that make?”
If the client provides you with a negatively phrased answer (e.g., “I don’t want to be so depressed all the time”), then you can respond with an ‘instead’ question like: “And what would you hope to be instead?”
Example conversation:
Professional: Thank you for making time for us today. To begin with, I’d like to ask, what are your best hopes from our work together?
Client: I’m not sure.
P: That’s okay. If our visit and conversation today turned out to be helpful somehow, how would you know?
C: I guess I’d be a bit clearer on why I’m being dragged to these meetings and what’s expected of me.
P: Okay, and what difference will having greater clarity and understanding make?
C: I suppose I’d be able to think more clearly and not feel so angry all the time.
P: Sure, and if that happened, what would you feel instead of anger?
C: Not sure. Maybe I’d be a little bit calmer.
P: Okay, so if, as a result of our talking together today, you were able to think more clearly, with greater clarity and a sense of calm, would that show our meeting had been a good use of time?
C: Yes.
Key thing to remember:
A client’s desired outcomes/best hopes are most effective when they are:
Positively phrased
Something that the client genuinely wants
Something that fits the worker’s legitimate remit (e.g., we can’t help them win the lottery!)
Instances of Success (Existing Resources)
Overview:
This component is commonly misunderstood as ‘strengths-based’ working, but the instances of success in Solution Focused practice are different in a couple of ways:
Any resources/strengths/instances of success that we highlight will ideally be linked in some way to the client’s desired outcomes (which helps to focus our efforts).
The questions are designed to go beyond simple acknowledgment and praise. Our intention is to highlight and amplify existing resources in a way that boosts the client’s self-belief and confidence, leaving them feeling more able to achieve their desired outcomes.
Purpose:
As mentioned above, the purpose of this component is to raise the client’s confidence levels. To give them the belief that their desired outcomes aren’t as far out of reach as they might seem, and that they can be achieved if the client puts their mind to it.
Example Questions:
When was the last time you were [insert desired outcomes]?
When in the last week did you manage that, even in a small way?
What’s been better since I last saw you?
What have you been most proud of since our last visit?
What are three things you’ve been pleased with in the last few weeks?
Then, once we have identified an ‘instance of success’, our job is to amplify it with questions like:
How did you manage that?
What did it take?
What else did you do to help make that happen?
What skills and abilities of yours did you have to draw upon?
What sort of effort did it require?
What does that achievement show about the person that you are and can be?
What does it tell us about your values and potential?
Example Conversation:
P: When was the last time you felt like you were being a good parent, the sort of father you want to be?
C: Well, last week I did help my son with his homework, even though it was late at night and I was tired.
P: Okay, how did you manage to help your son with his homework even though you were tired?
C: Well, I didn’t really understand it to be honest, but I listened as he explained it to me and then we googled the answer together.
P: And what else pleased you about the way you helped your son with his homework on that occasion?
C: Hmm… I guess it helped that I turned off what I was watching on the TV, so that I could give him my full attention.
P: I see, so when your son asked for help you switched off the TV so you could give him your full attention, and even though you didn’t understand the homework yourself, you were able to listen and help him search for the answer. I’m curious, what do you think that shows about the sort of parent you are and can be?
C: Maybe that I can be patient with him, even on the days that I’m tired.
Key thing to remember:
In Solution Focused work, it’s important that we go beyond acknowledgment and praise. In practice, this means taking time to ask questions like “how did you manage on that occasion?” and “what efforts did that take?”, rather than simply saying “well done” or “great job”.
Preferred Futures
Overview:
Preferred futures are descriptions of what the client’s life would be like were their desired outcomes achieved. We use little words like ‘if’, ‘suppose’, and ‘imagine’, to invite the client to think ahead into the future; we ask them to envisage a version of their life where their hopes and desired outcomes are reality, and to describe to us what this new reality would be, feel, and look like.
Purpose:
There are multiple reasons for inviting clients to envisage and describe their preferred futures. The main one, in my experience, seems to be the positive impact these conversations can have on people’s level of motivation to make changes in their lives. Having pictured, described, and in some way experienced for a moment what their life/preferred future could be like, many clients find themselves with a renewed desire and motivation to make moves towards making it happen.
Example Questions:
Start with something like…
Let’s suppose that starting tomorrow, you do become [insert desired outcomes], what will be the first sign tomorrow morning that something’s changed?
If you somehow manage to achieve [insert desired outcome], where will you notice that most?
Let’s imagine for a moment that you do reach [insert desired outcomes], what will that look like?
Suppose that over the coming weeks your [insert desired outcomes] do come true, how will you know?
Then build description with short, simple questions like…
What would be another sign that your hope/desired outcome has come true?
What would you notice about yourself?
What would other people notice about you?
What would you be doing differently?
What would your next appointment/commute/family meal-time/bedtime routine look like if your hopes/desired outcomes were present?
How will your [insert desired outcome] show? (e.g., how will your clarity of thought and sense of calm show itself when you’re at that meeting next week?)
How will other people react to seeing you [insert desired outcomes]?
How will you respond to their reaction?
What difference will that make?
Example Conversation:
P: Thank you for answering all my questions so far, I’m wondering, suppose that somehow your hopes do come true… So, you become more confident and assertive… where will you notice that the most do you think?
C: No problem. And maybe in my meetings with your lot, because I always feel like I get talked over by professionals, and also when I’m putting the kids to bed, which as you know has been a nightmare for us.
P: Alright, and is it ok if I ask you a couple of questions about both of those areas?
C: Sure.
P: Ok, so next time you’re in a meeting with professionals, what will be a sign that you’re more confident and assertive?
C: I’ll actually say what I’m thinking and voice my opinion rather than just sulking in silence.
P: What will you notice about the way you voice your thoughts and opinions that shows you’re doing so with confidence and assertiveness?
C: I’ll think carefully about what I want to say and make sure the most important parts are heard by everyone.
P: I see, and what difference will that make to the meeting?
C: I guess people will have a better understanding of where I’m coming from, and I’ll have actually let out and verbalised some of my frustration.
P: Sure, and how might that be good both for yourself and also the professionals in the room?
C: Well, they will probably be shocked to begin with, but I’d hope it would lead to a more productive conversation in the long run.
P: Ok, thank you. Now you also mentioned you would notice your renewed confidence and assertiveness when you’re putting the kids to bed. So, what would the kids notice about you during bedtime that told them you were being confident and assertive?
C: That I actually mean what I say! That I stick to the rules I’ve set for them.
P: And how will you know you’re sticking to the rules you’ve set?
C: They’ll have to stop gaming at 10:30, and if they refuse I’ll switch the internet off.
P: Alright, and how will the kids react to you sticking by the rules you’ve set?
C: They’ll be really upset and moody; probably start screaming about how unfair it is.
P: I see, so how will you know that you’re still being confident and assertive, even if the kids are upset and screaming.
C: I’ll remind myself that they’ll get bored and tired eventually and stay calm.
P: How will you know that you’re staying calm?
C: I won’t respond to the complaints and screaming, I’ll just switch off the internet and say, “this is what was agreed”.
P: And on this day, when you’re confident, assertive, sticking to the rules you’ve set, and staying calm even if the kids scream, what will you be most pleased to notice about yourself?
C: That I’m taking some control of the situation.
Key thing to remember:
The most common mistake made by professionals learning to hold ‘preferred future’ conversations is to get drawn into steps and action planning (e.g., “what do you need to do to reach your desired outcomes?”). Preferred future conversations deliberately skip over action planning and steps and go straight to imagining that the desired outcomes have already been achieved, and to the signs of that having happened.
Below are a few examples to show the distinction:
Is this a Solution Focused question?
No
Yes
What do you need to do to reach your desired outcome?
Suppose that somehow you do reach your desired outcome, how will you know?
What steps do you need to take to achieve your desired outcomes?
If you do manage to achieve your desired outcomes, what will be the first sign that you have done?
What actions do we need to take between now and the next meeting?
Let’s imagine for a moment that between now and our next meeting your hopes/desired outcomes start to come true, what are 3 things that you’ll be doing differently?
Solution Focused Scales
Key thing to remember: A Solution Focused scale is one of the tools that can be used to bring a little bit of each core element into a conversation.
Using the Solution Focused Scale
As you can see from the diagram above, the ‘Desired Outcome’ is placed at the top of the scale, the ‘instances of success’ can be found in the space between 0 and the score that the client gives for their current position (e.g., ‘4’ in the example), and ‘preferred future’ questions are utilised when asking the client to consider small signs of progress—moving up the scale by one small point.
Example Questions
Setting up the scale
Imagine a scale from 0 to 10, where ‘10’ represents your desired outcomes/best hopes and ‘0’ the opposite. Where would you place yourself on that scale currently?
Searching for instances of success
What’s helping to keep you that high on the scale rather than being down at the bottom? (Prompt with “What else?” up to 5 times)
Then amplify each answer with questions like…
How have you managed that?
What efforts has it taken?
What does it show about the person that you are and can be?
Signs of progress (a mini preferred future conversation)
Suppose that you manage to make some steady progress, and move up one small point on the scale, what will be a sign that shows you’ve reached one point higher on the scale?
What else would be a sign?
What will you be doing differently?
What would you notice about yourself?
What would others notice about you?
Etc.
Scale Summary (Visual Concept)
10 ← Desired Outcome Achieved 0 ← The Opposite
???? Small signs of progress: Like a mini preferred future “If you moved up 1 point, how would you know?”
???? Instances of Success: What is already happening to help them score that high and not lower? (e.g., score of 4 → aiming for +1)
Queries
If you have any questions or queries regarding the above information, feel free to email us at:
As professionals in helping positions such as social workers, counsellors and teachers, we have a duty to think carefully about the language we use with clients, families and young people. It is a privileged position to be able to speak into someone else’s’ life, however briefly, and as such we must do everything possible to ensure our words are a help and not a hindrance. One common pitfall that can often shape conversations in an unhelpful way, is our reliance upon deficit models for measuring outcomes. In simple terms, looking to see how bad something is. Solution Focused Practice is not unique in its call to look instead for signs of progress, strengths and resources, however is certainly unique in its insistence and perseverance to do so.
To illustrate this point practically I want to share thoughts from a recent TAF (Team Around the Family) meeting for a young man, Aiden, whom I had been conducting Solution Focused Sessions with. Gathered around the table at this meeting were Aiden’s parents, his Head of Year and the Pastoral Lead from his school. What was fascinating to me about this meeting, was how despite Aiden having made significant improvements, the presence of a deficit model framework, in this instance ‘Behaviour Logs’, meant that the conversation turned from praise to problem.
Half way through the meeting, which up until this point had been full of positives, the Head of Year pulled out some documents. On the documents were a long, detailed list of Aiden’s behaviour logs, both historical and recent. The Head of Year’s honest intention in doing this, was to demonstrate and highlight to Aiden and his parents, how he had shown an improvement in school behaviour. You see, Aiden had only received 11 behaviour logs in the Spring term, compared to 19 in the Autumn term. The very nature of framing the conversation within a deficit model however, soon caused difficulties.
You see, rather than focusing on the reduction in behaviour logs, conversation quickly turned to negative questioning about the individual behaviour log incidents: Why didn’t you complete that piece of homework? Why were you late on that day? You lost your PE kit again! How many times do we have to go over this? In an instant, talk had shifted from being about the student who was improving their behaviour and succeeding at school, to the one who is unreliable, forgetful and a general nuisance.
This is important. Why? Because of the messages it sends to the young person in question. For Aiden, the intention had been to reinforce his improvements and the belief that he is a student who can achieve; instead, thanks to the deficit model of behaviour logs, he began to have other messages reinforced, ones that were not as helpful to positive change. As long as we adopt a deficit model in our work, meaning that our outcome is for our client to be doing less of something bad, then we are far less likely to see a client develop and progress to be detached from that issue. For as long as their success is measured by doing less of that something bad, they will never be able to shake it off entirely, every meeting will contain conversation about it, and they will be forever entangled to it.
So if you’re reading this, here is my suggestion: Reflect on whether your conversations with clients are overly reliant on talk about them doing less of something negative, if they are, start to talk with them instead about doing more things that are positive.
This can be summarized perfectly by the final comments I observed at Aiden’s TAF Meeting. As the conversation drew to a close, Aiden’s parents and his Head of Year looked at each other, and referring to the reduction in behavioural issues, stated that they had grown used to their regular phone calls home and would miss them. I wonder, would it be so bad to have a phone call about a success?
One recent observation from conducting Solution Focused conversations with teenagers; is how they seem far more likely to honestly reflect upon their own actions and behaviours, after they have been given the opportunity to comment upon the actions and behaviours of others. This is particularly apparent when working with them to build a description of their ‘preferred future’; life that contains changes they would like to see.
A typical example of this is when a teenager is hoping for some improvements in their relationship with their parents. A solution-focused response to such a desired outcome would be to invite the teenager to consider a ‘preferred future’ where their relationship with their parents has indeed improved. Such a conversation might go as follows:
Practitioner: So if your relationship with your parents started to improve, what would they be noticing about you?
Teenager: Don’t know.
Practitioner: What do you think they might be noticing about you, that showed your relationship had improved?
Teenager: Nothing probably, I would be the same.
As you can see, in this particular example, the teenager does not seem eager to reflect on changes their parents would notice about them were improvements to take place. At least, that is, not at this point. What appears to be more useful, is first asking the teenager about changes they would notice in their parents, before then moving on to ask about changes their parents would notice in them.
I experienced this first hand during a recent session where the teenager, let’s call him ‘Adam’, wished for a more positive relationship with his mum, whom he felt was overly controlling and dismissive of him. By asking him first about changes he might notice in his mum’s actions and behaviour, it opened the door to ask more easily about any changes his mum might notice in turn about him:
Practitioner: So let’s suppose that happens, that your relationship with your mum becomes more positive, and this starts to happen even on your drive home after school today. When you’re in the car with your mum, what will you notice about her that shows your relationship has improved?
Adam: Maybe she’ll start talking a bit… asking how my school day’s been.
Practitioner: And what is it about the way she’ll ask you that shows your relationship is more positive?
Adam: She’ll actually want to talk to me.
Practitioner: So what would be the tell-tale signs that actually this was a conversation your mum wanted to have with you?
Adam: Well it depends if the conversation finishes within two or three sentences of asking, then you can just tell like that she doesn’t wanna speak.
Practitioner: Ok, so it’s the length of the conversation?
Adam: Yeah.
At this point in the conversation, having given opportunity for Adam to describe differences he would notice in his mum, the foundations were in place to turn the tables and ask what Adam thought his mum would notice about him:
Practitioner: Ok… and what will your mum notice about the way you respond to her questions and interest, that shows your relationship is more positive?
Adam: Like if I was asking how her day has been.
Practitioner: Ok… how would she respond to that? How would she respond to you asking how her day’s been?
Adam: Like she’d be alright asking more stuff.
Practitioner: And what difference would that make?
Adam: She’ll get to know me more.
Practitioner: And how would that be helpful?
Adam: I’d be able to share more stuff with her.
So in the latter half of this conversation, Adam has identified that it might be helpful if he were to ask how his mum’s day has been. My suspicion however, is that Adam was more willing to explore this idea, because I had first allowed him to express how his mum would be making more of an effort with him also.
The next session I had with Adam would also be the last. His relationship with both parents had significantly improved; they had returned his confiscated phone, allowed him to go out more with friends, and he had even been out for dinner with his mum.
Ben Scott
Early Help Professional and Solution Focused Practitioner
I’ve come to believe that one of the main duties for SF practitioners, is to ensure that client’s take credit for their achievements. We don’t do this by telling them how great they are, or even by offering subtle compliments, but rather, as is often the case in SF, by asking yet one more question. To illustrate this point, I want to share a story from a session conducted with a young mother who was referred due to struggling with her 7-year-old son’s behaviour. For the purposes of this story we’ll call the mother ‘Alice’ and her son ‘John’.
The session was taking place at the family’s home, with Alice and I sat in the downstairs living room, whilst her son played independently upstairs (notice the exception to his ‘troublesome’ behaviour already!). Part way through the SF session I was conducting with Alice, John came down the stairs and the following scene unfolded…
John: Mum, I’m hungry, can we have dinner now?
Alice: I’m in the middle of something at the moment, but give me 20 minutes and then we’ll cook something. What would you like, pasta?
John: Ok, and yeah pasta would be good.
At this point John proceeded to walk across the room, acknowledging me with a nod and a smile on his way past, before giving his mum a great big hug.
John: Love you.
Alice: Love you too.
John then heads back out of the room and up the stairs to play independently once more.
Ben: So Alice… How have you managed to raise John to be so polite and well-mannered?
Alice: [exasperated]… He’s only being polite because you’re here!
And so we come to the main point of this blog. Think about it. What message does it send to the client, if I, the professional, accept her assertion that the only reason her son is being well behaved, is because I am in the room?
Probably not a message of empowerment, probably not a message of hope, more likely a message of dependency on services and other’s expertise.
So what do we do instead? Ask yet one more question of course…
Ben: So how have you raised John to be so polite and well-mannered in front of strangers?
At this question Alice was stumped, and found herself with no option but to disclose the various skills, techniques and resources she had drawn upon to raise her son so far. Included were stories of establishing and maintaining boundaries, delivering a consistent message of love and care for him, even when things were not going so well, and utilising grandparents as a source of support and guidance.
What was abundantly clear, was that the reasons for John being so polite and well-mannered, were far more to do with Alice’s efforts and abilities than mine. My role? Simply to persist until she took the credit she deserves.
Ben Scott – Early Help Professional and SF Possibilities Trainer
